My Loss of my Daughter Laila

Hello again, thankyou to my sister and niece that have sent me a comment onto my journal it was lovely!

As some people may be aware up until resently my sister millie has been writting her own journal! She had been telling all that read her  journal about the trials and tribulations about herself and her family including me and at the time i was pregnant with my 6th pregnancy (as you are aware i have 4 boys) my second pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage and then i went onto have for lovely, terriers my boys! (There great and i wouldnt be without them) but in April this year i fell pregnant!!! It however was a surprise,shock and i was over welmed to think how would i manage another one, but my strong maternal instinct set in i was off, i would get on with it and do my best as i loved and do love all my children.

please feel free to read millies messings and youll be able to see all my dilemma's i delt with the problems of my pregnancy!!! you will find millies messing to the right and left i think of my journal!

Any way i gave birth to a lovely precious little girl on the 30-09-06 but sadly we knew she would'nt be alive! This was an awful feeling that i had to deal with, however my husband and sister was with me. Millie my sister stayed with me all through My Labour and birth and she was brilliant in coping with such a tragedy, she gave me so much courage and strength all the way through and i would like to say a BIG THANKYOU TO HER. for being there for me and for being a wonderful auntie to all my boys they love her to bits too!

My Brother pete gave me an awful amount of courage and strength too. He was an absolute diamond. He was there for me afterwards as my sister needed to be home with her family and also to take time out for her feelings too! You were so strong mandy!! Bless ya!

Pete helped me everyday, from visiting me and coming with me to the hospital to see my daughter, he was a perfect uncle( and is to all my boys they think he is smashing a real cool dude lol) We spent every day like i said together arranging the music to taking so many photos of my daughter and getting them blown up too! to helping me shopping for my family and taking me to lunch and all the running about he did and not to mention the phone calls and texts he made to me!without all the time he took off work to be with his sister me!!! Pete i will never be able to thank you enough either but i will say thankyou for being the perfect brother that any sister could wish for and that we love you to bits all of us x 

 

Any how Yesterday was my Daughters funeral, it was a lovely service with the poem that my sister wrote for her and  the music was perfect.  We let doves fly off and my boys let 3 balloons go into the sky. It was a beautiful service  I read my own poem out to all my friends and family and also to my lovely midwives (dolly and denise that were with me through my Labour and Birth)!! They were so kind and caring (thankyou to you both )

Saying a Poem at my own Daughters funeral was the hardest thing i have ever had to do let alone have to bury her! But i did it for the reason i will never get to do anything else for her!!! Only tidy her grave and visit her with flowers etc. I never ever dreamt that i would loose one of my children and i so i deeply feel for  other parents that have lost too! Its such a hard cruel world!

But i thank my daughter from the bottom of my heart for trying so hard to survive and i will never ever loose the love i felt and feel for her today and always.

Well i think thats enough for one night as im still learning on here! and im off to pick my son up from Scouts, he is 10yrs old is coming up to 11 yrs in November! so ill be off before im late!