ANOTHER DAY!!!
Im bored im fed up and really peed off!
I had my 2 hours to myself today and i did go and visit laila, this however felt oh so strange !! Nothing to see or hold other than the flowers on her grave! They still look good even after a week! I nearly took off the tags and bows and the labels with her name on as i wanted to bring them home. But i didnt i left them as the time did'nt feel right. I could'nt measure me daisy chain around her grave as the wind was really blowing and i did'nt want to loose any of the daisies off it as it is artificial! So i just stayed a short while and just looked and looked and looked and then i just walked away, something stopped me inside so i walked back and looked again and then i felt the urge i needed to speak to her (i know she cant hear but just incase i had to say goodbye and that i would be back very soon to visit her! And then i walked back to the car ! My chest ached so much, all i wanted to do was bring her home but i know that this pain will never go yet as it is not ready to and it wouldnt of been practical or logical if i had just got her out of there either! Then i left! At least i got my time to go and visit her which is what i have wanted to do for days but was unable to!
The rest of my day Entailed cooking for the five thousand at lunch time (Bacon Sandwhiches)as ou friend was doing our plastering again (thank god) I cant wait to start decorating we have lived here in our home for 7 and half years and the decorating has never really been done but now im doing it as enough is enough and i want us to have a nice christmas with the living room looking how it should! (im nagging and i know and i dont really care as it has to be said)!!!
So My fireplace is done Hooray!!!! now its the Walls then the painting and the cieling and then bobs your uncle it will be done (i hope i have the energy for this but im going to do my best)
The children have broke up for their half term for halloween! (oh no cant stand it already fighting the bickering and thats mine malarky) LOL they will keep me busy though Bless them
OH WELL its time i was off dinner to cook and have to be out later as the boys have parents evenning at the school!!! BRACE ME SELF !!! lol their good kids really . maybe be back later but bye for now !!! lots of hugs to you all in J-Land XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
KERRYANNE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
12 comments:
((((((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU)))))))))))))))))))))))))I cant find the right words to say,I know its hard,just we all love and care for you,here in J-land.I hope you try and have a nice day.
Oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you. Of course you can talk to her, and you should. She'll always be a part of you, and she'll always know what you're feeling. Don't ever hold yourself back. Say what you feel, talk to Laila, write to her, sing to her - whatever you feel the need to do as a mother. You can even take little gifts to her when you go to visit her like a doll or teddybear. There's no rule that states you can only give flowers.
Hugs, Mandy ~
Sis, i couldn't help but cry. This is so hard to read and upsets me to think of what you are going through. I wish i could do more, take away the pain etc but you know I can't. All I can do sis, is be there, to try and understand and to tell you that you are not alone when it comes to people thinking and caring about you. Keep up with the journal, that in itself will be a help. Biggest hug I can give ya coming your way. xxxx
you'll never forget your daughter but after awhile your anger and sadness will less'n a bit. I was so angry at the world and so angry at god i used to think if i ever see god i would shoot him and bury him next to my brother. Thats why im not religious anymore i always felt so let down and always thought my brother should of needed to be here. I had two koala teddy bears very small and on their hands were magnets. One i left at the grave for my brother and one i kept with me. When i used to visit his grave i would make the magnets stick together and the koala's would be with one another as a signal to my brother i was there and i wasnt letting go or forgetting.
I have just started reading your journal. My heart goes out to you and your family. Heres sending you a special hug. Terry
Hi, Just popped in via Mandy's Journal.
I was so sorry to hear about your baby girl. Nothing I can say will make you feel any better, I wish I could help in some way but you yourself will find the best way to deal with your grief and only time will lessen the pain. And it will get better.
As for half term, sorry you get the kids but I'm over the moon as I get a week off work!!
Linda x.
http://journals.aol.co.uk/lindaggeorge/GeorgeMansions/
Maybe sometimes it's important to hear yourself, then for those that you beleive may not hear you. Does that make sense?? I keep you in my thoughts and just keeping moving forward. I have 3 boys myself, I know what you mean in your last paragraph :)
Hugs
Ang
We'll get to see Laila tomorrow too wont we. Laila might be able to hear you, she's always looking down on you anyway. I talked to her when we went and saw her last week (quietly so you didn't hear lol) and at the funeral I talked to her too. (Just before I MISSED with the rose lmao)
See you tomorrow bird!!
Love you xxx
Laila can hear you - whether you're at her graveside, or just at home. She'll be there always
Hey Kerry...
Laila can hear you sweetie, anytime night or day..and anywhere...or so i've been told..I talk to my aunt and grandma all the time...I love seeing them in my dreams...even though when i wake up i am sad because i realize it was only a dream....but am happy that they came to me in my dreams....ya know..? Laila will always be watching over you all....just think of her as your little Guardian Angel =)
Hope you have a good weekend girlie
Hugss..~Terri~
Oh Kerryanne, of cause Laila will hear what you are saying to her weather you say it out loud or just thoughts in your head, she will know what you are talking to her, just read your entry for yesterday, have you tried camomile tea thats suposed to be good for stress and tension, tastes YUK YUK YUKITY YUK, but is supposed to work wonders IF YOU can drink it, or just put some lavender oil on a tissue and smell that every so often that will also help you relax abit, or even some lavender oil in a oil burner would help, do you get the gist that I am agreeing with Millie/Mandy here you need to rest more, I have 4 children (all adults now) so I know how hard it can be to get some proper rest, at the moment you probably feel like you are in a very long tunnel with no light at the end, walking along all by yourself, well your not alone Honey you have a wonderfull sister and niece up front with you and all your friends from J-Land walking right behind you giving you support,
take care sweetheart
going away for the next week but I will catch up with you when I get back
Love n hugs Lynne xx
P.S. thanks for the email the other night xx
Kerryanne, I haven't been avoiding you just MIA with the Vivi awards going on in JLand. My heart breaks for you. I do believe it will take tons of time to heal the grief. I don't even know what to tell you to make it all better right now because it can't be. I've been reading through your entries. I do think that releasing your grief in your journal will help in the long run. You won't notice it but you are healing yourself by posting your thoughts. Know that so many are still praying for your family.
LOL...and keep that PC list short for Mille/Mandy today..ok. Big Hugs to you...Chris
You are doing great with adding graphics. It took me no less than three weeks to add things when I started my journal.
Post a Comment