A Hectic Weekend !

 

Hi Everyone! Hope you in all in j-land have had a Lovely Weekend!!!

Thankyou to all that replied to my journal on Friday, Your comments were a delight to read! Thankyou showing how much you care!!! I will certainly enjoy coming and sharing my journal with you all ! You must be very special people for all the caring support you give!

 

 

Well its been a Hectic weekend ! Friday i had all the usual chores to do as well as pick up the kids from school, and my niece too (Hayley) as she was coming to Babysit so i could go and watch a band with my husband mick on saturday! (we had to do something Normal for ourselves)

Also my sons  georgie and michael had their school Disco so that was alot of running around too!!  So i did not go to Lailas grave as i did not get time!! This made me feel very angry as id missed a day also the sadness of her on her own with no visitors. (I know this is probably silly but i felt that i had let her down !!! maybe in time i wont feel so guilty for not being able to visit her on days when i am busy, but as it is still very raw

these feelings i hope are normal!!

 

But Saturday came and i hushered the kids around and got them ready and we left to visit Laila., It was as though id let out a sigh of relief once we arrived as i stood at her grave .  

Being there next to her is a peaceful feeling that i get. I suppose its because i feel that that is what i should be doing!! Visiting my daughter Alive or dead!! (This is my maternal instinct feelings i expect)

 

Right im waffling lol!!! The Kids came with me and Hayley and we walked around the other graves till we reached my friends little one. We payed our respects then left!

On our way back to the car Michael my 6 Year old decided to show some Elder men (his moth that he had brought with him (as it had died too)

He buried it near a tree! And then we headed for the car!

It had been chaos with the kids there as Samuel runs about and michael was doing his thing! And georgie was complainning of all the walking around we were doing as his Leg was aching!!!!

My niece hayley and i admired the way some people had made there childrens spots so pretty and of course some of the Head-stones were beautiful!

Getting back to the car was a relief !!! Normally i would go to the grave on me own ( no kids) so its peaceful, But when the kids come its like a Whirlwind has just turned up lol!!!

 

 

From the cemetary we drove to my mums house (she is in the process of trying to move house so things are chaos with her too)

Its a long story but me and my mum fell out 12 years ago and then we tried to pick things up again which only lasted for 6 months sadly!

But when i had Laila i said to Mandy me sis i wish i could tell my mum give her a ring to let her know she had a grand-daughter . Then we i came home from the hospital on the sunday i said exactly the same thing to my hubby Mick and left it at that (id expressed my feelings but my stubborness was to stay and it wasnt shifting) So on the monday i had visited Laila at the hospital and when i arrived home i had a Telephone call!!! Oh my it was my mum on the other end, She asked lots of questions and shed her tears and since then she has been around to see all the children and came to the funeral and she has showed her support and that she does care!! Its nice but having nothing for 12 years and then all of a sudden i have a mum in my life thats being very mummying to me and i am unsure how to handle it but at the same time im not knocking her for it either!! Its been nice talking to her and going round for tea! And i hope we can hang on to it this time!!!!!

 

So Loosing Laila was the Hardest thing in my life that i ever had to do Without being reconciled with my mother that was a whole lot more of Emotions and Tears that i have shed!!! But i suppose no matter how hard loosing Laila  Maybe something Good has come out of it (that sounds awful) But its strange when something like this happens all the people that you wouldnt normally see  seem to come out of the woodwork!!!

Lets Hope its good and to stay!

Sorry while i was waffling rememeber had said who had let my mum know what had happened with the Baby etc.!!! It was my hubby he telephoned my mum and told her of our loss and that was how it came about to her contacting me!!!! Thank you Mick!!! i will always remember this. You must of had some courage approaching my mum lol!!!

So things have been fine with her anyway!!!

We had tea at my mums then Headed for the town!!! My phone bill had to be payed! We hit some shops 4 exactly! The kids got their things for Halloween cause we love to celebrate this every year!!! So we decorate the inside of the house with lots of home-made decorations and then the children go trick-treating! We have had parties on occasions but this year ill see what ever im capable of doing!! But im sure theyll have fun whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

We did some shopping and then headed for home!!! I  was feeling tired and my tummy was hurting too!

We had to make one more stop before getting home as i needed to go into the florist shop as i have ordered a Daisy chain to rest around laila until she has her head-stone and edging!  Once i left the shop i felt quite unwell  so we hurried home!

Finally we were home and things werent so good so i needed to go to hospital to be reviewed they said i was fine just needed to rest up a bit !! I know this already but its hard when you have a big family!!!!

I Still went out and watched the Band that we wanted to see!!But sat in a chair all night! So i was still resting so to speak !!!

But we had a reasonable evenning it was strange going out after all that has happenned ! Maybe a bit too soon but i did it! lol

 

Right i  will love and leave you all till later and Please please Remember the Pregnancy and Infant loss remeberence day October 15th. Please Light a Candle at 7pm for one hour this evening so there will be a continuous wave of light over the entire world! Please Please Remember !!!!

 

~*Kerryanne*~

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