WHERE IS EVERYONE THIS WEEK!!!

 

HI EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

    where are you all this week have you gone into hibernation.LOL Your all very Quiet So I expect Busy too!!!!

                                             

Well the Last Few Days have been busy for me too.! Thats an understatement Really as nothing has really got done with me chores! I have been Shopping again, see told you all I LOVE SHOPPING!!! Well Christmas is only round the corner and for me i have to start shopping pretty early so that way i can afford all those presents LOL. I love buying presents!!!                          

I told you all i think that Last Weekend when mandy my sister came over i bought her a present NOTHING MUCH  but it was to show my appreciation for all her help she gave me at the time of Laila coming into the world. She was excellent, Anyhow i was out shopping and came across a keyring in a heart shape and it read across the front Sister. well it had a catch to it and when i openned it ~ it had a place for a picture each side ~ so inside it i put a picture of her niece Laila and on the other a Piece that said thankyou ! Hayley mandys daughter liked it but it was unfortunate that i could not get her one as they did not have Niece on it and nor a plain one, But i have now found something very similar for her and my brother pete . So i just hope they like it .~

Well here is the update on my brothers~nose!!! lol. He came home from Hospital Yesterday Morning after his op ( the operation is to help him breathe better through his nose as he was having a bit of trouble) So it wasnt so he had a Spectacular Looking Boat!! Sorry Pete! I have to Laugh!!!

He is in a lot of pain Bless him and he is coping really well, The hospital gave him pain relief  but today he needed to have something stronger today which his doctor perscribed for him. I visited him last night with my son georgie and my sister mandy and her family were there too. It was sad to see him poorly as such but our nephew Ryan (Mandy's son Kept making us laugh as he is so comical) So poor pete was just laying there while we was all errupting in laughter. I assure you pete we are not wicked really LOL.  But wish you well Real soon and then we can see the new BOAT!!!

Well other than that Not much else to say except tomorrow ill be off to the grave to hopefully put a new plaque up and arrange Lailas Daisy chain!!!!

And then Getting Ready for the Boys to go to a Birthday Party on Saturday and im going to the memorial ( the boys were invited to the memorial but i thought it fair to give them the choice and im sure in childrens eyes  a party is far more exciting than a service, and at the same time they should enjoy thereselves as it hasnt been much fun for them.

BUT BOYS LOOK~OUT HALLOWEEN NEXT WEEK AND WILL WE CELEBRATE IT REAL GOOD ~ X

SO I NEED TO BE OFF TO START MAKING THERE HALLOWEEN CARDS OTHERWISE I WONT GET A CHANCE OVER THE WEEKEND!!!!!

SO BYE TO YOU ALL FOR NOW SPEAK SOON IN A FEW DAYS!!!!!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thanks to Roxy for her lovely pics links are on my side bar......

And also to sugar for the lovely memorial picture with my daughters name on and delivery date!!!!

KERRYANNE~                                                                                           

                                                   

THE LONG DAYS

HI AGAIN TO ALL IN J~LAND TODAY HAS BEEN NOT SO BAD ~ A SO SO DAY I SUPPOSE!!!! I TOOK MY BOYS TO THE DENTIST TODAY AND THEY ALL DID GREAT WELL~DONE BOYS ! I WAS REALLY PLEASED WITH THEM AS THEY ALL SIT BACK IN THAT CHAIR AND OPEN THEIR MOUTHS WIDE AND BOBS YOUR UNCLE (THEY ONLY DO IT CAUSE THEY KNOW AT THE END OF IT THEY WILL GET A STICKER LOL) SUPRISING WHAT KIDS WILL DO FOR A REWARD, THEIR LIKE PUPPIES WAITING FOR THEIR TREAT!!! I PROMISED THE BOYS I WOULD TAKE THEM SHOPPING FOR A FEW MORE BITS FOR HALLOWEEN, THESE BOYS LOVE TO SHOP !!! SEE THEY MUST OF INHERITED SOMETHING GOOD OFF THEIR MOTHER!

                                              ! WE LOVE TO SHOP!

SO THEY ALL GOT BITS AND PIECES AND I DID MY BIT (I LOVE A BARGAIN ME) MANDY HOWEVER CANT STAND MY SHOPPING ,CAUSE I CAN GO ON AND ON (SORRY MAND)

WELL I GOT BITS FOR LAILAS SCRAPBOOK THAT I INTEND ON MAKING TO PUT ALL HER TAGS AND PHOTOS IN (IM LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING IT) I ALSO DONE A BIT OF ME SISTERS BIRTHDAY SHOPPING  AND IF YOUR READING MAND IM NOT TELLING YOU WHAT IT IS~LOL

ALSO DONE A BIT OF CHRISTMAS SHOPPING FOR MY NIECE AND HAY DONT EVEN ASK ITS A SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                     

WELL THEN WE WENT TO THE FUNERAL DIRECTORS AND HAVE ORDERED A PLAQUE FOR LAILAS GRAVE WHICH WILL BE READY ON FRIDAY FOR PICK UP (AT LEAST HER GRAVE WONT BE BARE) I VISITED LAILA YESTERDAY AND ALL HER FLOWERS ARE STARTING TO DIE AND SHE ONLY HAS A FEW LEFT SO ILL BE GOING TO HER GRAVE ON FRIDAY TO TAKE HER PLAQUE AND DEFINITELY ARRANGE HER FLOWERS BETTER AND PUT HER DAISY CHAIN ROUND HER (THE OTHER DAY IT WAS TOO WINDY AND AS I WAS ON MY OWN, I THOUGHT I CAN JUST SEE ME LOOSING IT IN THE WIND AND CHASING IT AROUND THE CEMETARY (NOW THAT WOULD OF BEEN A SIGHT) LOL !!!!!

WELL I WANTED TO SHARE WITH YOU ALL THAT MY BROTHER PETE HAS GONE INTO HOSPITAL FOR SURGERY ON HIS NOSE! I DON'T ENVY HIM IN THE SLIGHTEST  BUT I WISH HIM ALL THE BEST WITH HIS OPERATION AND RECOVERY, HE IS A GREAT BROTHER, HE ALWAYS MAKES ME LAUGH THROUGH HAPPY AND SAD TIMES BLESS HIM HE IS THE BEST TOO!!! All my family are tremendous .xxxx

ANYWAY BACK TO PETE! WHEN HE VISITED THE WEEKEND HE MADE ME TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS NOSE BEFORE AND AFTER AND I TOLD HIM I WOULD BE PUTTING THIS ON ME JOURNAL so here you are pete!!! just for you!!! and when he has recovered i will put another one  here afterwards!                                                                                       

                                                           

WELL I HOPE YOU WILL BE OK FOR SATURDAY PETE!!! CAUSE I MADE A COMPLETE AND UTTER MUCK UP OF LAILAS MEMORIAL DAY AS I TOLD EVERYONE LAST SATURDAY AND IT WASNT !!!!

I KNOW TALK ABOUT FORGET ME NOT I JUST HOPED I SUPPOSE THAT IT WAS LAST SATURDAY , BUT SILLY ME ITS THIS SATURDAY!!!!!!

ITS THE MEMORIAL OF ALL THE FORGET~ME~NOT BABIES IN OUR TOWN AND IN A WAY IM LOOKING FORWARD TO GOING !! ATLEAST LAILA WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN BLESS  HER !!!!

                                                      

                                                      

 

WELL ALL THATS MY ENTRY FOR TONIGHT AND THANKS FOR EVERYONES COMMENTS!!!!!

IM OFF TO BED NOW , I HOPE TO FINNISH MY NEXT POEM THAT I WROTE ABOUT LAILA AND WHEN ITS FINNISHED ILL LET YOU ALL HAVE A READ.

TILL THEN GOODNIGHT AND GODBLESS YOU ALL X X X X X

KERRYANNExxxx

What A Weekend

  

            ***Hi  Everyone***                

How was your Weekend? Good i hope

 

My Weekend has been a Hard one, Especially

 now the children are home with me, as i crave quiet time and me time! This is selfish i know but its so hard to get to grips with NORMALITY back to the trying to get the children back into routines. And the usual household chores, this is where im struggling as i know what im supposed to be doing but dont really want to be doing it so therefore my heart is not in it!!! (This is definitely Selfish and Mean of me but i cant help it)

So my weekend was of constant shouting and moaning and then the frustration was just building and building till i had to let some out (Why cant you lot leave me alone) This was bad but i had no other way of trying to say how im feeling and at home everyone is as though normal and i feel like im walking around waiting for this cloud to dissapear and i know this is going to be ages and i also know i have to try and console myself for my Familys sake BUT GOD THIS IS A HARD TEST FOR ANY WOMAN NOT JUST ME! and a cruel one at that!

Yesterday my brother pete came round and cheered me up a bit, he stayed for dinner and chatted to the boys and we took photos of them together and then out of no-where came a beautiful RAINBOW hooray it had arived outside the back of our house ! We really wanted a Rainbow for Laila on her day but unfortunately it wasnt to be, but anyhow Samuel thought it was GREAT  so we took more photos of the rainbow!

My Sister Mandyalso came round with her Partner Terry (Tinks i call him! this is another story but hey if your reading tinks! have you done your duties lol)

AND ALSO MY WONDERFULNIECE CAME TOO! ~SHE IS SUCH A JOY GOOD COMPANY AND THE BOYS LOVE HER TO BITS , THEY ARE ALWAYS SITTING ON HER AND MESSING AROUND ! YOUR BRILL HAYLEY AND WE ALL LOVE YOU!!!!XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Well they stayed for dinner too and then the kids wentto bed and we hit the computer (well mandy did anyway) She sorted out so much stuff on here i would never of had a clue how to do it me self ~as for trying to find stuff now maybe a different matter but i think i have cracked it lol) But Mandy thankyou so much for all your help and for me tag that i collected my from cherry2sweet2eat~ I only found out about it as i browsed her journal and thought i like the look of that so i put in me order and then an email came through saying you had already ordered one for me (lovely jubbly i thought and it was ready for collection. That was another story trying to save the picture but as you can see cracked that too! HEY NOT BAD AYE BIRD!!! ill never be a computer whizz like you though lol.

Well as you all can see ive changed me border as i thought i needed to add some more pics of my other boys (the crazy two) bless their hearts and the eldest one in the picture asked me to put this one in, so michael ill show you in the morning of tomorrow and see iff  i get a good response  out of him and ill let you all know!!! However Samuel my 3 yr old will think its great anyway as it has his picture on here lol.

So to all in J~Land thanks for all your comments and ill get round to browsing all your journals as soon as i can and ill leave you all a comment!!!

And Mandy just one more thing do you like your dancing flower on my border?!!! oh good as this is the one i pinched off here and was on here all last week without you even realising and GUESS WHAT ? its still here lol and is staying for a while if you dont mind . Lots of love and Hugs to all and have a good week xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And finally Last of all this is for cherry! this young lady is the one who made my picture at the top and i think its lovely and if you go to my side bar her link is there for anyonewhowould loveto view her pics.

 ~chocolate cherried creations2sweet2eat by Diama~

GOODNIGHT ALL AND ILL BE BACK SOON

                       ~YOUR ALL SPECIAL ~

                                  ~People~

                                        XX

 

HERE IS MY APPOLOGY TO CHERRY!!

When i edited her picture here i made a mis~hap some how as to the size it came out  so please except my appologies and now i have mandys expertes with computers i will not edit pictures if i think they have not came out the right size (ill check with me sis mandy first) SO SORRY FOR THE BOO BOO!

blimey did i feel a right wally! lol  xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

WHEN WILL MY DOOM BE GLOOM!!

                          

 

ANOTHER DAY!!!

Im bored im fed up and really peed off!

I had my 2 hours to myself today and i did go and visit laila, this however felt oh so strange !! Nothing to see or hold other than the flowers on her grave! They still look good even after a week! I nearly took off the tags and bows and the labels with her name on as i wanted to bring them home. But i didnt i left them as the time did'nt feel right. I could'nt measure me daisy chain around her grave as the wind was really blowing and i did'nt want to loose any of the daisies off it as it is artificial! So i just stayed a short while and just looked and looked and looked and then i just walked away, something stopped me inside so i walked back and looked again and then i felt the urge i needed to speak to her (i know she cant hear but just incase i had to say goodbye and that i would be back very soon to visit her! And then i walked back to the car ! My chest ached so much, all i wanted to do was bring her home but i know that this pain will never go yet as it is not ready to and it wouldnt of been practical or logical if i had just got her out of there either!   Then i left! At least i got my time to go and visit her which is what i have wanted to do for days but was unable to!

The rest of my day Entailed cooking for the five thousand at lunch time (Bacon Sandwhiches)as ou friend was doing our plastering again (thank god) I cant wait to start decorating we have lived here in our home for 7 and half years and the decorating has never really been done but now im doing it as enough is enough and i want us to have a nice christmas with the living room looking how it should! (im nagging and i know and i dont really care as it has to be said)!!!

So My fireplace is done Hooray!!!! now its the Walls then the painting and the cieling and then bobs your uncle it will be done (i hope i have the energy for this but im going to do my best)

The children have broke up for their half term for halloween! (oh no cant stand it already fighting the bickering and thats mine malarky) LOL they will keep me busy though Bless them

    

OH WELL  its time i was off dinner to cook and have to be out later as the boys have parents evenning at the school!!! BRACE ME SELF !!! lol their good kids really . maybe be back later but bye for now !!! lots of  hugs to you all in J-Land XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

KERRYANNE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX                                   

ITS BEEN A HARD DAY

  *  WHAT A DAY TODAY HAS BEEN*

I Have had my husbands friend round this morning (that sounds naughty lol) He is a plasterer! We need our walls skimmed and our fire place and floor done, so it was a busy morning. Oh and my son Georgie was off today from school as he still has his cold! We got our floor done and he will be back tomorrow to do the walls!!! Im definitely going out while this is being done!!! So georgie will be going to school! And then i can have 2 hours to myself till my son Samuel has to be picked up from play-school. SO IM OFF TO LAILAS GRAVE (HOORAY)!!! IM SO ESTACTIC JUST TO HAVE 2 HOURS TO MESELF AND IM MAKING THE MOST OF IT AS THE BOYS BREAK UP FROM SCHOOL,! TOMMOROW IS THEIR LAST DAY AND THEIR OFF FOR 10 DAYS (OH NO)!!!

                                            

                                             

This Afternoon I had a telephone call from the Hospital i was under while still pregnant with Laila!!!!

They had taken Blood from me the last day i was there, to test me to see if im a D.N.A. carrier for mytonic dystrophy and myasthenia Gravis these are muscle conditions that can be passed on to your unborn children (only if you are a Carrier) Well they gave me the results of the Mytonic Dystrophy as this was the only test that is back so far and it is NEGATIVE which i am really relieved about as i wouldnt like to think that my daughter suffered because of me and my D>N>A> However these tests they have done, they did'nt seem to think i would have these conditions as my 4 other children are fine all been healthy!!!

So now All i have to do is sit tight to wait for the Next result to come in  and no matter how re-assured i am about the first result the second one i am worried about the same as when i was waiting for the first one!!! But hey its Good News about this one THANK-GOD.

Obviously if i had of been a carrier to either it would affect any subsequent Pregnancys for the future if i was to carry on having any more! WHO KNOWS !!! I dont like to think i wouldnt be able to have anymore children, im the type of person that its my choice (but when its out of my hands i have to obey the RULES LOL)

At Kings they told me that my Daughters Condition that she had Normally Affects 1 in 5,000 Babies and unfortunately she had to be the one who got it, It saddens me enough to think what she had was extremely unfair But to think that i could of passed on a condition that i was not aware of !!! I dont think i could ever forgive myself!!! But we will wait and see for the Next Result!!! Wish me luck and if there is a God out there then Please Please be on my side for a change!!!!

Other than that i mentioned briefly about a crushing feeling across my chest that i have been getting since the loss of Laila, (it felt like a Dull Compression or even strong Indigestion i thought) So this evenning i took myself off to the Doctors and he asked me to fill in a bereavement Questionnaire!!! They were all questions on how iwas coping on a day to day basis and next to the questions were numbers at the end the doctor added up my score and it said for my score i was severly Depressed !! This is what the Crushing pain is Anxiety Anxiousness etc. He then offered me Anti Depressants which i refused because to me i have never taken tablets for the slightest thing Let alone for Depression that is to do with my Grieving (so i told him no thankyou) and that i would get through this my own way!!! I hope i made the right decision (i think so).

Other than this My husband keeps trying to get on the computer and unfortunately it has been taken up by me lol!!! Cause im determined to learn all about this adding my photos to my journal and so far so good im coping lol!!! WITH THE BIG THANKS TO MY BEST SISTER IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD MY MANDY!!!! (of course im not grovelling ) lol.

And mandy if your reading my journal is better cause i have not written about Mountain Edna and the Laptop With Frost bite fingers (sorry she will know what im talking about and im sure she will share with you) LOL HOW MANY BROWNIE POINTS DO I

HAVE NOW lol....   MY SISTER      

                                                                 IS THE

                                                                  BEST

                                                       

                                                           AND MY BEST  

                                                                 FRIEND 

                                                                   EVER

                                                                      X

SO TO ALL YOU LOVELY OUT THERE GOODNIGHT  AND HAVE A GOOD DAY TOMMOROW XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

the lovely heart and love pic

is by gillmarie

at coulouring inside the lines.

 

                                         Bye for now xxx KERRYANNE xxx      

MY DAY

Hello Everyone!!!

 

 

Today has been a strange day!!! Well i suppose every day has been since i came home from hospital.

 

My Son Georgie has been home again (no school) as he is poorly with a cold and temprature and sore throat!!! So any plans i have, are on hold till he is well enough!

I had wanted to visit Laila but havent since Saturday this makes me feel really cross and anxious with myself! But if i drag georgie out that is not fair if he feels unwell, so ill have to stay cross till i go! I wanted to check her flowers and take the daisy chain i bought up to her grave as i feel this would be nice for her to have laying around her plot until the ground settles! So ill have to see what tomorrow brings!

Its a strange thing grieving one day to the next is so different!  And im now finding it hard trying to be strong for all my family (even though im not letting on to them) I keep finding things todo so that i can keep my mind busy and doing the normal things we all have to do on a daily basis pay bills and answer the phone (this is hard as people ask oh how are you and i say yeh not bad ) But i dont want to have to talk to them about it!!!

I have even found that all the things i recieved from the hospital for laila all her bits that i took into hospital for me are still in the bag !!! All the lovely pictures that my brother took and mandy and my own pictures i dont even want to look at them or go through her stuff, All the sympathy cards i got they never even had a place in my house as they just all got put in her bag , ive left all my stuff at the other end of the living room ( Am i just trying to ignore all this i dont know) But the only thing i found was listenning to the c.d i made with beautiful tracks on i listenned to that this afternoon and i found my self breaking and then holding it back because of my boys, i didnt want them to see me upset!!!  I have had a constant ache across my chest since i came home without Laila and it eased off for a couple of days and nows it back!!! Is all this normal i dont know!

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day !!

I have overloaded my head with all sorts Halloween then its my sister Mandys birthday and then my son Georgies Birthday and then there is Fireworks Night and then Christmas and i seem to of scrambled it all into my head at once !!! Why!!!?

Told you i had a strange day !!! I think maybe a Goodnights sleep will do me some good i hope******

Well its a short one tonight so ill say Goodnight and Godbless and thankyou to those who took the time to leave comments, They are much appreciated! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

KERRYANNE

Thanks to chris at cab creations for this tag

 

AS HALLOWEEN APROACHES

Hi everyone,

Here i go again trying to add an entry to my journal and its been crazy! This is my 3rd attempt tonight and if this one doesnt work then i will screem!!!!

Well as i tried to tell you 3 times earlier My Family and i lit a candle to remember all the babies! My Children Enjoyed Remembering Laila as their star in the sky!!! This was very moving watching them as they thought of her and the other babies and infants that dont get to stay here with us!! Bless their little Hearts and the prayers that they had written for Laila was sweet too!

She will always be our remebered Angel in our hearts!!!!

Well now to talk about my Boys! Georgie Michael and Samuel, they are ESTATIC that halloween is Coming and they cant wait to dress up! My mind has been boggled with their ideas that they have!

And here we go again they would like a Party as we always celebrate Halloween and have many parties over the Years!! One year we had 18 children and 7 parents come and we had our party and then the whole lot of us trick and treated the streets they thought it was great However we were all some what KNACKERED by the end of it!!So this Year i think it will have to be just dressing up the house and doing the pumpkin and maybe a friend each as i don't think i have the energy for anything else! But i will do my best and make it as special as i can and still take them trick and treating********

This yeat we are going to have Mortisha (me) with Samuel my 3 yr old as a skeleton!!! That outfit is sorted and then Michael my 6yr old as Count dracula and then Georgie as Half frankinstien and Half harry potter this i have got to see!!! Where he got this idea from is beyond me lol!!! But im sure ill be up to my eyeballs in face painting but they will love it im sure.

So i suppose i best get making and preparing for their day otherwise i will be in the dog house somewhat with them all!!lol

Today i spent time looking at other peoples journals and snagging pictures i hope i did it right and havent stepped on anyones toes, but if i know me i have probably made some hiccups no doubt! So if i have then im deeplysorry But im new to all this and am still learning!!! (where are you mandy when i need ya lol)

Thankyou for my comments to all and especially to my sister mandy (millie) for your comment about my poem im glad you liked it and to my neice hayley for her comment to Bless ya!!! What a Family i have im so Lucky for their love and support and encouragement that they show me!!!

Tomorrow is a day when i visit my daughter Laila as i have bought a Daisy Chain to lay over grave So ill be measuring up to make sure it fits ( i hope it will look ok) and then im out shopping for my Eldest son Dean as it is his Girlfriends Birthday!!! So my time wont be my own as usual!!!! Oh and i must forget i have to take a Halloween cup for my son michael as he wasnt impressed with the one i bought him, he prefers his brother georgies one so that is a must (cant have him upset ) he is very sure as to how he lets you know his feelings!!! (love him he is a bit tempremental ) im sure it will pass in time!!!

Well you lovely people off i go need me sleep!!! And a cuppa!!! Have a good day!!!

Hugs and godbless!!!

 

Kerryanne 

Our remebered little Angels

Welcome Back to my journal!

I would like to say thanks to all that have had  a read and left comments for me! Its great reading your comments especially the one from cherry!! lol this one was funny as it related to my son Michael Burying his moth bless him!!!!

My children and i lit a Candle tonight and so did some of my friends and family for the remeberence of the infant losses!!! I hope you all remebered!! Anyhow my children and i kept the candles burning for one whole hour like it said to do!! My youngest Samuel he is 3 and a half got stuck into the lighting of the candles and sat on the sofa and said to his dad! shush my sister is coming now she is up in the sky with the stars and is coming to see him! How Sweet was this it gave my husband and i a lump in our throats as it was such innocence from such a small child (our child)

So here is my poem and i hope you like it!!

 

                OUR ANGEL LAILA

Small and petite, from head to feet.

Why did everything have to be so bleak?

A tiny life that sruggled to survive,

why could'nt my Laila be alive?

So sadly missed as she rests in peace,

My little girl who deeply sleeps!

Cherished by us who love her the most!

Did the angels take her? or could she be lost?

Far up amongst the skies thats where Laila is

Surrounded by the stars.

The lights that lead to Eternal Peace

Godbless my sweet

Be forever in Peace.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

By kerryanne!!!!

 

How hard it seems when you've  had such a loss. The grieving is hard ! But i have found it in my heart that the best thing for me is having my other children around me and when there all asleep and i go to bed i right every night of all that i feel about my darling precious daughter! I put down on paper then when i think its appropiate i share it with all you lovely people from j-land!!!  Thankyou for all your support .

And to all you parents out there Godbless you all ! Be strong !!!

Goodnight J-Land

Godbless you all and Sweet Dreams and the same to my friend and Family!!! Thanks your all Great!!!!!

 

Anyway i would like to leave a poem that i have written myself this evenning!!!

 

A Hectic Weekend !

 

Hi Everyone! Hope you in all in j-land have had a Lovely Weekend!!!

Thankyou to all that replied to my journal on Friday, Your comments were a delight to read! Thankyou showing how much you care!!! I will certainly enjoy coming and sharing my journal with you all ! You must be very special people for all the caring support you give!

 

 

Well its been a Hectic weekend ! Friday i had all the usual chores to do as well as pick up the kids from school, and my niece too (Hayley) as she was coming to Babysit so i could go and watch a band with my husband mick on saturday! (we had to do something Normal for ourselves)

Also my sons  georgie and michael had their school Disco so that was alot of running around too!!  So i did not go to Lailas grave as i did not get time!! This made me feel very angry as id missed a day also the sadness of her on her own with no visitors. (I know this is probably silly but i felt that i had let her down !!! maybe in time i wont feel so guilty for not being able to visit her on days when i am busy, but as it is still very raw

these feelings i hope are normal!!

 

But Saturday came and i hushered the kids around and got them ready and we left to visit Laila., It was as though id let out a sigh of relief once we arrived as i stood at her grave .  

Being there next to her is a peaceful feeling that i get. I suppose its because i feel that that is what i should be doing!! Visiting my daughter Alive or dead!! (This is my maternal instinct feelings i expect)

 

Right im waffling lol!!! The Kids came with me and Hayley and we walked around the other graves till we reached my friends little one. We payed our respects then left!

On our way back to the car Michael my 6 Year old decided to show some Elder men (his moth that he had brought with him (as it had died too)

He buried it near a tree! And then we headed for the car!

It had been chaos with the kids there as Samuel runs about and michael was doing his thing! And georgie was complainning of all the walking around we were doing as his Leg was aching!!!!

My niece hayley and i admired the way some people had made there childrens spots so pretty and of course some of the Head-stones were beautiful!

Getting back to the car was a relief !!! Normally i would go to the grave on me own ( no kids) so its peaceful, But when the kids come its like a Whirlwind has just turned up lol!!!

 

 

From the cemetary we drove to my mums house (she is in the process of trying to move house so things are chaos with her too)

Its a long story but me and my mum fell out 12 years ago and then we tried to pick things up again which only lasted for 6 months sadly!

But when i had Laila i said to Mandy me sis i wish i could tell my mum give her a ring to let her know she had a grand-daughter . Then we i came home from the hospital on the sunday i said exactly the same thing to my hubby Mick and left it at that (id expressed my feelings but my stubborness was to stay and it wasnt shifting) So on the monday i had visited Laila at the hospital and when i arrived home i had a Telephone call!!! Oh my it was my mum on the other end, She asked lots of questions and shed her tears and since then she has been around to see all the children and came to the funeral and she has showed her support and that she does care!! Its nice but having nothing for 12 years and then all of a sudden i have a mum in my life thats being very mummying to me and i am unsure how to handle it but at the same time im not knocking her for it either!! Its been nice talking to her and going round for tea! And i hope we can hang on to it this time!!!!!

 

So Loosing Laila was the Hardest thing in my life that i ever had to do Without being reconciled with my mother that was a whole lot more of Emotions and Tears that i have shed!!! But i suppose no matter how hard loosing Laila  Maybe something Good has come out of it (that sounds awful) But its strange when something like this happens all the people that you wouldnt normally see  seem to come out of the woodwork!!!

Lets Hope its good and to stay!

Sorry while i was waffling rememeber had said who had let my mum know what had happened with the Baby etc.!!! It was my hubby he telephoned my mum and told her of our loss and that was how it came about to her contacting me!!!! Thank you Mick!!! i will always remember this. You must of had some courage approaching my mum lol!!!

So things have been fine with her anyway!!!

We had tea at my mums then Headed for the town!!! My phone bill had to be payed! We hit some shops 4 exactly! The kids got their things for Halloween cause we love to celebrate this every year!!! So we decorate the inside of the house with lots of home-made decorations and then the children go trick-treating! We have had parties on occasions but this year ill see what ever im capable of doing!! But im sure theyll have fun whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

We did some shopping and then headed for home!!! I  was feeling tired and my tummy was hurting too!

We had to make one more stop before getting home as i needed to go into the florist shop as i have ordered a Daisy chain to rest around laila until she has her head-stone and edging!  Once i left the shop i felt quite unwell  so we hurried home!

Finally we were home and things werent so good so i needed to go to hospital to be reviewed they said i was fine just needed to rest up a bit !! I know this already but its hard when you have a big family!!!!

I Still went out and watched the Band that we wanted to see!!But sat in a chair all night! So i was still resting so to speak !!!

But we had a reasonable evenning it was strange going out after all that has happenned ! Maybe a bit too soon but i did it! lol

 

Right i  will love and leave you all till later and Please please Remember the Pregnancy and Infant loss remeberence day October 15th. Please Light a Candle at 7pm for one hour this evening so there will be a continuous wave of light over the entire world! Please Please Remember !!!!

 

~*Kerryanne*~

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A tiresome day

Hi Everyone in J-land.Thankyou so much for all your comments. I was amazed by so many who had read my journal and Thankyou for your condolences for my Family!!!

Well another day over with!  But as of yet i still have 2 sneeky children to put to bed so ill be quick and then if i can come back again for a while then i will!!

This Aol Stuff is playing me up this evenning trying to get my journal done (talk about how frustrating it is when you want things done quicker) Im not one for patience with things like this lol!!!

Today i read Lailas Tribute and it is Beautiful the amount of people that have lit a candle in the tribute of her memory!!! Thankyou you are so kind!!! And to all of you that have welcomed me to J-Land that has meant alot to me!! And for all your addresses to those that left some for me to go and read theres! Ill definite come and read and thanks!!!

Well my day was hectic with sorting out things with the hospital from picking up photos to finding out test results etc, which are still not back but the medical photos i got!!! My photos of my Daughter that my Brother Pete took were absolutely Beautiful but compared to how hospitals do photos i think they need to change their Camera as they were awful i was quite discusted!!! But that is the NHS for you in my Country !

I also took up donations for the Forget me not suite we managed to raise £75-00 for the room i stayed in to give birth to my Daughter Laila. This money will go on anything that is needed to help women and their families feel as comfortable as they can  at such a sad time! So any new equipement for the room the money goes towards this too!

It strange that in a hospital Labour Ward you hear and see all the new Babies being brought into the world and then at the other end of the Labour Ward is a Room for all the people that loose their Babies This i found really sad as up until now i would never of guessed the pain that some people were going through at the other end of the Ward! 

Then i went to the Grave Side and Checked Lailas Flowers and while i was there i had a good walk round with my 3year old and a close friend of mine Lorraine! We went and visited my Friends Little Girls Grave as she died 2 years ago! then we walked around the rest of the Cemetary and to my amazement i couldnt believe how many babies die at birth and just after there were so many and the young toddlers, This was awful i thought What a ruthless and cold hard we live in !!! MY HEART GOES OUT TO ALL THE PARENTS THAT HAVE LOST . IT IS SO UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I  am very tired this evenning as i think i overdone it as since i came home from the hospital after giving birth to Laila i have been out and about going backwards and forwards to the hospital to see her and then to the funeral directors and then organising her funeral what with keeping my house in a reasonable tidy state there was the Shopping to do aswell. I was so busy that my midwife has only seen me twice!! She is back on Monday and she didnt want to disharge me as she didnt think i was ready!!! So she has tld me to rest for a couple of Days atleast! But its hard cause i stay on the go so that i dont dwell and think about my Loss and this is  find quite hard as your feelings turn to anger but so far im controlling it well i think .

Right my second eldest has gone off to bed he is 10yrs old approaching 11 in November this year! He is so good at trying to hang it out as long as possible before going to bed!! Sorry My sons name is Georgie He has a dissability called Right-sided Hemeplegia! (ill tell you all about this some other time) But he is doing well and makes up for his dissability in many ways Good and Bad! But thats children for you they know how to get intouch with getting round my little Finger (they have sussed that im an easy touch ) BLESS THEM!!!LOL

Well i supposed i have yapped a whole lot this evenning! I suppose i should say Goodnight J-land and possible be back Later as i want to try and add some graphics if i can work out how to do it!lol ( Mandy where are u i need help here lol)

So ill end with Goodnight to my Darling Daughter Laila Always in my Thoughts!

GOD BLESS AND SWEET DREAMS MY PRECIOUS ANGEL XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thankyou to Jenny from sunshine Expressions! My sister Mandy Had this tag made for me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Here is my Daughters Laila Tribute Gates of rememberence.

http://www.gatesofremeberence.co.uk/main/tribute/?id1964

My Loss of my Daughter Laila

Hello again, thankyou to my sister and niece that have sent me a comment onto my journal it was lovely!

As some people may be aware up until resently my sister millie has been writting her own journal! She had been telling all that read her  journal about the trials and tribulations about herself and her family including me and at the time i was pregnant with my 6th pregnancy (as you are aware i have 4 boys) my second pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage and then i went onto have for lovely, terriers my boys! (There great and i wouldnt be without them) but in April this year i fell pregnant!!! It however was a surprise,shock and i was over welmed to think how would i manage another one, but my strong maternal instinct set in i was off, i would get on with it and do my best as i loved and do love all my children.

please feel free to read millies messings and youll be able to see all my dilemma's i delt with the problems of my pregnancy!!! you will find millies messing to the right and left i think of my journal!

Any way i gave birth to a lovely precious little girl on the 30-09-06 but sadly we knew she would'nt be alive! This was an awful feeling that i had to deal with, however my husband and sister was with me. Millie my sister stayed with me all through My Labour and birth and she was brilliant in coping with such a tragedy, she gave me so much courage and strength all the way through and i would like to say a BIG THANKYOU TO HER. for being there for me and for being a wonderful auntie to all my boys they love her to bits too!

My Brother pete gave me an awful amount of courage and strength too. He was an absolute diamond. He was there for me afterwards as my sister needed to be home with her family and also to take time out for her feelings too! You were so strong mandy!! Bless ya!

Pete helped me everyday, from visiting me and coming with me to the hospital to see my daughter, he was a perfect uncle( and is to all my boys they think he is smashing a real cool dude lol) We spent every day like i said together arranging the music to taking so many photos of my daughter and getting them blown up too! to helping me shopping for my family and taking me to lunch and all the running about he did and not to mention the phone calls and texts he made to me!without all the time he took off work to be with his sister me!!! Pete i will never be able to thank you enough either but i will say thankyou for being the perfect brother that any sister could wish for and that we love you to bits all of us x 

 

Any how Yesterday was my Daughters funeral, it was a lovely service with the poem that my sister wrote for her and  the music was perfect.  We let doves fly off and my boys let 3 balloons go into the sky. It was a beautiful service  I read my own poem out to all my friends and family and also to my lovely midwives (dolly and denise that were with me through my Labour and Birth)!! They were so kind and caring (thankyou to you both )

Saying a Poem at my own Daughters funeral was the hardest thing i have ever had to do let alone have to bury her! But i did it for the reason i will never get to do anything else for her!!! Only tidy her grave and visit her with flowers etc. I never ever dreamt that i would loose one of my children and i so i deeply feel for  other parents that have lost too! Its such a hard cruel world!

But i thank my daughter from the bottom of my heart for trying so hard to survive and i will never ever loose the love i felt and feel for her today and always.

Well i think thats enough for one night as im still learning on here! and im off to pick my son up from Scouts, he is 10yrs old is coming up to 11 yrs in November! so ill be off before im late!

My first entry!

The above graphic is made in memory of my darling baby daughter.

I am just introducing myself to you all ~ My name is Kerryanne and this is the place I will be writing my good and not - so - good stuff!

More in my next entry!

Bye for now

 

Kerry x