* WHAT A DAY TODAY HAS BEEN*
I Have had my husbands friend round this morning (that sounds naughty lol) He is a plasterer! We need our walls skimmed and our fire place and floor done, so it was a busy morning. Oh and my son Georgie was off today from school as he still has his cold! We got our floor done and he will be back tomorrow to do the walls!!! Im definitely going out while this is being done!!! So georgie will be going to school! And then i can have 2 hours to myself till my son Samuel has to be picked up from play-school. SO IM OFF TO LAILAS GRAVE (HOORAY)!!! IM SO ESTACTIC JUST TO HAVE 2 HOURS TO MESELF AND IM MAKING THE MOST OF IT AS THE BOYS BREAK UP FROM SCHOOL,! TOMMOROW IS THEIR LAST DAY AND THEIR OFF FOR 10 DAYS (OH NO)!!!
This Afternoon I had a telephone call from the Hospital i was under while still pregnant with Laila!!!!
They had taken Blood from me the last day i was there, to test me to see if im a D.N.A. carrier for mytonic dystrophy and myasthenia Gravis these are muscle conditions that can be passed on to your unborn children (only if you are a Carrier) Well they gave me the results of the Mytonic Dystrophy as this was the only test that is back so far and it is NEGATIVE which i am really relieved about as i wouldnt like to think that my daughter suffered because of me and my D>N>A> However these tests they have done, they did'nt seem to think i would have these conditions as my 4 other children are fine all been healthy!!!
So now All i have to do is sit tight to wait for the Next result to come in and no matter how re-assured i am about the first result the second one i am worried about the same as when i was waiting for the first one!!! But hey its Good News about this one THANK-GOD.
Obviously if i had of been a carrier to either it would affect any subsequent Pregnancys for the future if i was to carry on having any more! WHO KNOWS !!! I dont like to think i wouldnt be able to have anymore children, im the type of person that its my choice (but when its out of my hands i have to obey the RULES LOL)
At Kings they told me that my Daughters Condition that she had Normally Affects 1 in 5,000 Babies and unfortunately she had to be the one who got it, It saddens me enough to think what she had was extremely unfair But to think that i could of passed on a condition that i was not aware of !!! I dont think i could ever forgive myself!!! But we will wait and see for the Next Result!!! Wish me luck and if there is a God out there then Please Please be on my side for a change!!!!
Other than that i mentioned briefly about a crushing feeling across my chest that i have been getting since the loss of Laila, (it felt like a Dull Compression or even strong Indigestion i thought) So this evenning i took myself off to the Doctors and he asked me to fill in a bereavement Questionnaire!!! They were all questions on how iwas coping on a day to day basis and next to the questions were numbers at the end the doctor added up my score and it said for my score i was severly Depressed !! This is what the Crushing pain is Anxiety Anxiousness etc. He then offered me Anti Depressants which i refused because to me i have never taken tablets for the slightest thing Let alone for Depression that is to do with my Grieving (so i told him no thankyou) and that i would get through this my own way!!! I hope i made the right decision (i think so).
Other than this My husband keeps trying to get on the computer and unfortunately it has been taken up by me lol!!! Cause im determined to learn all about this adding my photos to my journal and so far so good im coping lol!!! WITH THE BIG THANKS TO MY BEST SISTER IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD MY MANDY!!!! (of course im not grovelling ) lol.
And mandy if your reading my journal is better cause i have not written about Mountain Edna and the Laptop With Frost bite fingers (sorry she will know what im talking about and im sure she will share with you) LOL HOW MANY BROWNIE POINTS DO I
HAVE NOW lol...
. MY SISTER
IS THE
BEST
AND MY BEST
FRIEND
EVER
X
SO TO ALL YOU LOVELY OUT THERE GOODNIGHT AND HAVE A GOOD DAY TOMMOROW XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
the lovely heart and love pic
is by gillmarie
at coulouring inside the lines.
Bye for now xxx KERRYANNE xxx
8 comments:
it will get easier
hugs
noelle
Your in my thoughts, hang in there okay? And keep moving forward :) YOu have a lot of love and people in your corner ;) Your never alone.
Hugs
Angie
Its still early days yet for you, you, your body and your family have all been through such a difficult time, give it time it will get better, I know that you might find this hard to belive at the moment, but time is a great healer, you have my email addy when you if ever you want to talk to somebody thats not related to you,
take care Love N hugs Lynne xx
One day at a time, it takes just that: time. You'll be fine
(((((((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU))))))))))))))))))))))))))What is it?Spring break already?lol.I hope you have a nice day and you have a nice free time to yourself.
you deserve a day to yourself your stressed enjoy your night.
..i've just come off the phone from talking with you...and here I am, doing as you told me...lol..reading your journal!!! Really great news about the first result coming back negative ~ i'm sure the second one will be fine too. Get some rest little sis, and my advice is as many others; one day at a time. love you xxx
I admire you i havent even met you i am mother to 2 beautiful baby boys age 3 and 1 i am only 18 myself. i dont know that i could have pulled myself through something like that.
At the moment i am facing a very difficult situation as my mum is pregnant with her 10th baby and she is 40.
The placenta is growing below the baby which is blocking the birth canal she has had alot of problems with previous pregnancies and the specialist has stated clearly that there is a good chance that there will be complications during birth i dont like saying what complication that might be.
Anyway i just wanted to say i think you are really brave and i am so very sorry for your loss i do think it is a good thing that you can talk about it i also think your sister is very brave.
i know that your little girl isnt there but im sure she will always be there in spirit i think you should remember that there is alot of help and it must be so nice to have your sister for support.
Anyway im babbling i think your a great inspiration and im sure your boys are very proud of you and love you very much as you sound brilliant
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