Our Holiday

Hi all you J~Landers

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Thought i would come back on maybe a happier Note than Last time.

Well i hope everyone is well and /or feeling a little better!

As i said in my last entry we went on Holiday!

Where was it you may all ask "well we went to Kessingland" Its in Essex ~

We had a Lovely time Just went for one week!

The weather was beautiful and it lasted the whole week, which was wonderful as we had the sun and the Beach for the boys  Great!!!

I have managed to do a slide show of some of my family pictures of our time there! some of the boys playing in the park, others of the beach, one of me with a Zoolu (if thats how its spelt) lol anyway that was at Africa life it was a Massive Zoo, the amount of room the animals had was amazing! (better than Colchester Zoo). There i go again waffling away! lol and there is another of my husband and the 3 boys on the way to the club in the evenning!            

Well i did do the slide show However im not sure how i get it onto here from photobucket!! So Sorry but as soon as i find out i will add here in this entry for all to see! Sorry im still learning on all this stuff .lol

 

Well I hope you like anyway.

Also in my entry this time i would like to say that sugars Tags (sugars shacks) are lovely they are very colourful, so go alone and have a see for yourselves!

                              

Its nearly 11 months on the 30th since my baby girl has been gone ~ Somewhat strange~ Went to see my councellor and she has said the same that how i reacted with my emotions after loosing another was quite normal as i was somehow protecting myself by blocking out the hurt and the guilt.

So soon i will start looking and maybe ordering a headstone for Laila as it will be a Year on the 30th September 2007.

Also School is back in one weeks time and my second eldest boy is off  to secondary school, which is scary! He did very well with his sats exams i was very proud of him as he tryed so hard and put so much effort into them that he won an award on his last day of his primary school for best effort ( but sadly didnt get to keep the award just has his name placed on it) But also won another for Best success in getting a level 4 regardless of his dissabilty.... So well done Son im proud of you!

                                 

Lastly my Youngest is starting school but will only go mornings till october as he is 4 and a half then.... so im going to be alone with no kids in my house all day soon! (boy i wont know what to do with me self) No doubt the housework will keep me busy though.lol and if it dont then ill occupy myself with my card making as ienjoy it alot but dont often get the time.lol

Well this was a better note for me to finnish on.

would like to say Congratulations to all for the J~ Land Anniversary.

Thanks Sugar for this lovely

Tag.x

                              

Be Back Soon . Hugs to all xxxx

 

                          

hi everyone

Hi every one

 

Thought id drop a line and say hi!

I need to get stuff off my chest !  Here we go !

Well the summer hasnt been too bad i suppose! The kids are enjoying there time off school but i think they are now needing to go back to school .lol.

Right here i go.... im due to see my councellor but im going away again this weekend for a week with my family and will have to cancel my appointment, so im going to waffle on here!

Just before the boys broke up for their holidays i found out i was pregnant .... Strangely i showed no emotion to this other than the pure worry of what if it all goes wrong again!

Well i got to 7 weeks and was due to go for a scan on the 18th of july but on the 17th i had a scare, nothing to bad to expect of a miscarriage so thought it would maybe stop!

The day of the 18th i went for my scan and shockingly they could not find anything!  oh my god i thought could i of been imagining i was pregnant!

The test showed positive ! My consultant told me i was not imagining it, its just early and sometimes they dont show, plus my ovaries and the womb linning were doing everything they were suppose to be doing for a pregnancy!

So my consultant did another pregnancy test while i was there and sent me for a blood test to measure the level of the pregnancy hormone.

That evenning i waited for the telephone call i didnt know what to think, but knew in my heart this was the start of it to all go wrong!

The telephone rang and i grabbed at it waiting for the voice of a nurse i was gagging to know what was going on!

The nurse told me my pregnancy was positive but the level of hormones was not very high and that i would have to repeat the test in 2 days but i was definitely pregnant!  They also told me that if my levels of hormones were to rise but not enough then i would have to prepare myself for the fact it could be an eptopic.

They next few days were stressfull and i started to loose more, so i thought its got to be a miscarriage, so off i went to the hospital again for the blood test and awaited the phone call later that afternoon!

All i kept telling myself that ive probably miscarried by now. All my emotions about it though were so numb, i had visited lailas grave and i felt so guilty because she was not here with us un yet i would be bringing another baby here (that i'd hoped would get here) So everything i felt was real numb (how strange)

Anyway the phone rang and i got news that i was still pregnant but the levels had not risen and suffient amount and that this normally happens when a miscarriage is starting or an eptopic, and that i would have to repeat again another blood test on the tuesday!

so i got through that weekend and then on the monday i had to go into hospital as i felt quite unwell . They did the test again and i was told to go home and rest or i would have to stay in the hospital. So i came home and rested and the next morning i rang the hospital for the results!

To my suprise i was still pregnant! but was told that they would be scanning me on wednesday and that if my loss became painfull i should go to the hospital again!

Now i thought this is an eptopic then! All the worry of loosing one of my tubes i was stressed out me box! But the wednesday came and i was relived to say they found the pregnancy and the sac that it was in but i was miscarrying! Part of me was relived that it wasnt a eptopic as that would of lessened the chance of having or trying for another baby! And at the same time i felt sad, because another one had tried to get here and yet unfortunately didnt!

However i was due to go on holiday with my family and i went and had a lovely time and enjoyed every minute with the boys, they gave me lots of fun and laughter! But the one thing they wanted to do was go swimming and that was a no no cause i wasnt to go on holiday either, but my consultant relented and told me to be careful  but no swimming cause of infection and also that if i felt unwell in any way i was to go to the nearest hospital. So sorry boys but were off away on saturday so maybe we can go swimming this time!

As for my emotions they seem to be shattered and im numb from head to foot , Feel as though im on auto pilot doing what i am meant to be doing!Even with laila i feel so numb no emotion what so ever!

The night before last i lay in bed staring at her picture i have with me holding her hoping i would feel something but nothing im emptied out! Why i was overwhelmed with emotion for her i feel cruel to her!!!!

 

Well my day today has been shopping with the boys for last minute school things and stuff for our holday and then we went on to lailas grave so i could take fresh flowers and give it a tidy for her so that it still looks pretty!

And now im on here but must be off cause i have jobs waiting and the youngest needs to get ready for bed soon.

Hope i havent bored you all ! But i had to get it off me chest!

Well hope everyone is ok ! i think of you all but dont often get on the computer for long to come and browse, but hopefully will when the boys go back to school.

 

hugs kerryanne x

here ill leave you with a picture of my 3 boys dressed up for the club on holiday!

 

 dont they look funny lol. bless them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!